F I R S T A N N U A L R E P O R T
By Coyote 131
From: The wolf yoked to the hitching post of Ganesh.
Subject: First Annual Report
Date: Sat, 15 Dec 90 18:47:40 PDT
As E near thee end ov 1990 and thee last Sigil ov this y-era E
look back at our growth, our expectations and thee changes in our
expectations...at a young age E realized there was great 'power' in thee
orgasm and experimented intuitively with thee different mind altering
capabilities of masturbation...thee following is one ov thee
experiments...even though E had N0 belief in gods and demons...at least
not beyond our own mindscapes as Jungian archtypes...E would make L-ov-E
to thee Moon...when thee Moon was full E would venture out beyond thee
field ov vision from thee farm house in which E grew up...into thee
fields and would strip naked at all times ov thee y-era...winter was
exceptionally exhillarating with thee intense cold and eeery light
reflecting off ov thee lunar landscape formed by thee snow...there E
would make my 'psychick scrifice' to thee Moon...
Thee E-fects produced by
such an orgasm were incredibly different than ordianry masturbation...it would
give us heightened awareness and a sense ov transendence...at thee timE
E was not very theoretical as to what E was doing or what was happening
to us...E did feel as if E was touching something Magickal...E had been
told many superstions regarding thee luancy producing E-fects ov Thee
Full Moon and had quite a phobia regarding sleeping in thee light ov the
full moon...so such L-ov-E was quite taboo breaking in that fiyst E was
touching myself, secondly E was touching myself not out ov mundane
sexual satisfaction but out ov a desire to touch something deeper in our
'self'and thirdly E was breaking a personal taboo doing such a personal
act in thee light ov thee Full Moon...at thee time E might ov thought it
a reaction to the gravity E-fecting thee waters in our inner ear...or
possibly a reaction to the archtype ov thee goddess Luna E was creating
with thee power ov our OV...E do not now know our thoughts...it has been
ten years...but E most certainly felt an Energy...days go by...E leave
thee farm and thee fields ov our youth for college and apartment
life...E am intrigued by mysticism in all cultures and particularly thee
study ov Tantra and other psycho-sexual rituals...the taboo breaking ov
Tantra particularly interests us...as does thee Tantrik concept ov thee
wH0LE person one who has intergrated both thee male and thee female
principles within one's 'self'... but am Turned Off by thee
heterosexism inherent in many narrow minded Western interpretations ov
Tantra...many ov thee sexual rites are called 'left-handed' or by thee
above mentioned westerners 'evil'... and thee few all male rites or
onanistic rites that have homosexual references such as the direct
stimualtion ov thee lowest 'cakra' with a 'lingam'that is in less
esoteric terms thee stimulation of thee area below thee genitals (ie
thee anus and prostrate gland or sponge in thee female) with a dildo
which is symbolic ov thee ov creative power in male sexual
Energy...these are considered extremely 'lefthanded' or 'evil' and are
usually only mentioned in passing and in negative terms...this lack ov
information and fear ov Thee Red Death (aids) led to us to begin
devising our own system ov Tantra which E gave a working title ov O.T.M.
for Onanstic Tantik Meditation...
About this timE E recieved thee Grey
Book...there was much synchronicity...firstly between thee sigilizing
process and our own O.T.M. concept...secondly thee drawing ov blood,
thee spilling ov it on a paper and then thee signing ov thee paper was
very taboo breaking...due to its resemblance to Medevial pacts with
thee Devil...these were all taboos which E held even though as E stated
E do not believe in 'external' demons... and it also incorporated well with
thee use ov blood in Tantrik rites...thee third synchronicty was that
thee Grey Book arrived was read and our first Sigil was performed on
thee first 23rd ov this y-era....
Thee first Sigil was done impromptu...E had just finished reading thee
Grey Book and it was near thee 23rd hour ov thee day...so E got a candle
and put on thee stereo Themes 2...thee mind altering power ov sound
intersts me...E ritually bathed...this consists ov laying in thee bath
and giving our 'self' a golden shower...other than thee alchemic
significance ov this thee turning ov a base act into gold...E also
Emagined that all ov thee negative Energy in our body to be passing out ov
E with thee urine...and then quickly showering...E then kneeled before
thee candle with a dagger E smuggled from Mexico, apen and
paper...quickly jotting done thee most ideal sexual fantasy e could
think ov in thee time remaing...in Essence it had S/M overtones dealing
with Control...being completely in control, aggressive, aware, active and
pentrating...this being thee Tibetan model of male sexual Energy thee
inverse of the Hindu model where the male is passive... having sex
with thee complete opposite ov an ambiguous sex...this model E have
continued to use...at thee timE it was only thee most ideal fantasy,
only later did E begin to realize some ov thee symbolism involved and
in fact E am still discovering something new each timE...E then marked
thee paper with thee most relevant symbol at thee timE, a Psychick
Cross...E spit, cut hair and pubic hair placing it in thee spit...E
then cut myself quickly and sharply just enough to draw a drop of
blood whcih E smeared on our signature... excitation is hard after
cutting, but by concentrating hard on thee fantasy E was also able to
get hard...a true act ov WILL...E then masturbated to climax
contemplating one ov three things alternatingly...thee fantasy...thee
flickering flame ov thee candle...thee concept ov thee Temple 'where' an
unknown number were also Sigilizing at that moment...this last focus
was overwhelming and what brought about thee climax...covering E, thee
foor and thee nearby paper with OV... E had gone into this first Sigil
with N0 expectations...and came out with a sense of transcendence E had
not had for y-eras...
Thee next few sigils were not as nearly as awe inspiring...E did not
lose heart...E changed thee ritual musick E used to some ov our own
origin literally...using tapes of thee sounds ov sex and our first
tatoo combined with E playing thee Tibetan Bell, Bowl and Thighbone
Trumpet ...along with thee Enochian Chanting ov Crowley and thee tolling
ov a funeral bell ...this piece is very mind altering in itself...at
least for E...propably due to how personal these sounds are...
(for more theories on this see: The Job by W.S.B.)...this ritual
musick greatly enhanced thee Sigilizing Process by making it more my own...
Thee next great change came during "Thee Rites Ov Passage"...thee
greatest hurdle for E was thee lack ov control...until E had dream
flashes ov our ideal fantasy...only from a different view point...from
thee object ov our lust...E experienced a loss ov subject-object
relationships and had a sense ov wH0LEness...
Thee next Sigil E performed was a spontaneous act...E was using thee
dreamachine and began to have clear distinct images ov our ideal
fantasy...so E took that as an omen even though this was not on
thee 23rd...grabbed a blank piece ov paper and thee dagger
using thee dreamachine as thee only light source...
E performed thee Sigil with 'eyes' closed...
Thee penultimate Sigil ov 1990 was performed after spending thee entire
day on psycho-active chemicals...this one was thee most meaningful one
thus far...thee paper E used was an extra photocopy E made ov thee
hermaphrodite form ov Siva\Sakti...with thee left side feminine and
thee right side masculine...thee Tantrik symbol ov satiation without
desire...during this Sigil E had dream flashes ov thee ideal fantasy
from thee point ov view ov fist as subject then as object and back and
forth til E once again E transcendent thee concept ov subject-object
and experienced a sense ov wH0LEness...accompanied by Eg0 loss...thee
goal ov Tantrik ritual...this last Sigil left E with a sense ov
'satisfaction with out desire' and E WILL try not to let thee most
recent success create great expectations as thee first Sigil did.
